Spermicidal Maniac Rubbed Out

MONTGOMERY, AL-  A disgruntled man took several hostages at a major television network Wednesday.  A major police standoff soon developed, as the man threatened to blow up or otherwise kill the hostages if his views weren’t aired publican.

The man, Jimmy J. John, 34, of Elbow Alabama claimed the authorities of the world should begin eliminating undesirable segments of the population.  Taking a moment to threateningly fidget with the throw-switch of the shrapnel-filled bomb strapped to his back, John went on to warn of the need to take serious the threat to humanity posed by the most selfish and dimwitted individuals.

Police responded by shooting him dead.

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