Trouble Brewing in Lynchburg

LYNCHBURG, AL-  Racial tensions have began stirring again in the small town of Lynchburg, Alabama.

It started last Thursday when the South Lynchburg High School began its annual home-coming celebration.

“Them boys were ridin’ around in pickup trucks hootin’ and hollerin’, waving flags and carryin’ on,” said Thelma Loiuse, a local Postal Worker.

Locals say a mysterious tension seems to exist in the town, especially between the two high school’s football teams, the North Lynchburg Proud Panthers and the South Lynchburg Frontiersmen.

North Lynchburg’s team, The Proud Panthers, doesn’t seem to be intimidated by the atmosphere created by the festivities, or at least feels obligated not to let it show.

“We will not be intimidated,” said head coach Brian Hill, mopping sweat from his proud brow.  On his daily walk to work, Hill endures pelting with confetti and pro-frontiersmen slogans shouted by rampaging pickups full of South Lynchburg students.

Tensions reached a paramount early Friday evening before the game when the Frontiersmen team ran through town carrying a banner that read “Submit to the Frontiersmen!”

Later that night, the local faction of the Koo Klux Klan made a rare appearance in full costume at the game.  Nearly all the parents of the South Lynchburg team seemed to be absent.

“Everybody loves one another here.  I don’t see why there would be any racial tensions in Lynchburg,” said Colonel Adolf Pureblood, owner of the local power company White Power, and mayor of Lynchburg.


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