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Romney Looks to End Campaign with Hilarious Gaff

NEW HAMPSHIRE – Political advisers are urging presidential-hopeful Mit Romney to do something very funny and embarrassing within the next fourteen days, thus ending his campaign with an act of public-service. –FULL STORY

Rep Weiner Honored As Trailblazer by Fellow Genitalia-Named

WASHINGTON D.C.- Though Representative Anthony Weiner announced his resignation Thursday, a small-but-loyal group is planning to honor the troubled New Yorker for their own reasons. –FULL STORY

Independents Turn Against Major Parties, Offer Role of President to John Goodman


“After a few hours of research, COME ON decided the most universally-pleasing course of action was simply to hire an actor to play the part of president, nominated by a nameless, generic party.”–FULL STORY

Child Molestation Cover-Up Explained: Pope Planned Under-Cover Mission into Hell

“Jesus covertly trolled the churches and religious schools of Europe, searching for the right man to carry out the job. He found it in Ratzinger, a brilliant but tough young student at Munich’s Ludwig-Maximilian University.”–FULL STORY

California Pot Legalization: Experts Warn of Amusing Downfall

“Literally every adult in the village stopped what they were doing and lit up,” said Professor Thomas. “It started out fun–a lot of giggling and sausage.”–FULL STORY

Cheney Seeks Treatment for Black-Heart

“He’s just seemed so emotionally vacant the last few years. I knew we had to try something new. We’d heard good things were being done with dolphins and decided to give it a try,” said wife Lynne Cheney. –FULL STORY

Enraged Baby Draws Popular Support

“B-b-b-bra-baaaaaggh!” shouted Mr. Jones to a church full of supporters. The room erupted in cheers of agreement as some waved signs and garden implements.–FULL STORY

Swamp Gas Sighting Debunked as UFO

“Witnesses claim to have seen the rare phenomena of ‘swamp gas’ hovering over Phoenix Wednesday night.”–FULL STORY

Trouble Brewing in Lynchburg

“Locals say a mysterious tension seems to exist in the town, especially between the two high school’s basketball teams, the North Lynchburg Proud Panthers and the South Lynchburg Frontiersmen.”–FULL STORY

Spermicidal Maniac Rubbed Out

“Taking a moment to threateningly fidget with the throw-switch of the shrapnel-filled bomb strapped to his back, John went on to warn of the need to take serious the threat to humanity posed by the most selfish and dimwitted individuals.”–FULL STORY

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